Today we went down to the ocean.  It was a good experience again - but I am struggling with my emotions.  I feel depression setting in and I am feeling lost and empty.  I am not sure where I belong and tears are pouring out.  I am not sure where I belong.  I love the environment and the energy here - but I soooo deeply miss my family.  I often feel this deep hole in my heart and missing the hugs of my wonderful grandson and my kids.
I know the tears will flow and I know they are a way of releasing and cleansing.  I know I need to let go of the anxiety and stress - and allow my spirit and soul to shine and soar again.
Like the waves of the ocean I know I need to rise and fall with the challenges I am given so that I may grow and learn. 
We all need to face our challenges and stand up to them - this is how we all need to see challenges - as a chance to learn. 
We need to be grateful for those ebbs and tides, along with the smooth and calm waters and appreciate each moment in life.

We went down to Smith River today.  The water is so clear - It is amazing and beautiful.  We could see divers in the water from the bridge above.  Upon going down to the water I could not believe how clear it was - you could see everything in the water..... WOW 
Walking along and looking at all of it I was stunned - this was like looking at a painting.
The power and beauty of water is amazing to me - what a gift we have been given from mother nature.... now to get people to see, feel and experience that beauty - and again, to gain respect for this aspect of nature!

We decided to go to town and check out a few of the local places.  It is not a very big town and is rather quiet during these winter months.  There are many places to visit and many places to try new things - which I seem to be doing a lot of these days.
We went out to try some sea food and it was quiet interesting the company we found there - the whole dock was full of sea lions that were laying on the dock sunbathing. 
The food was really good and I learned what is meant by fish and chips - we chatted, relaxed and enjoyed a little time together.

As we prepared to leave a couple of the sea lions had come closer and one of them took a pose for the picture - they are huge, and he was almost posing.  

This makes for a lighthearted way to close out a day.

Our campsite is good, the view is beautiful and they have a great walking path.
I can finally get the camper set up and make it feel more like a home with some more personalized items.
It is nice here and the people I have met are pleasant - there energy is not so heavy. 
We are a little ways out of town and close to the Redwoods and lots of hiking trails. It is very quiet, except for the beautiful sounds and sights of birds and animals............
This part is amazing and relaxing - it is still a challenge for me to not make connections with people and to relax.
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I am starting to realize and notice that I am losing faith in trusting others - not everyone is honest.

I am finding I am regaining faith in trusting myself again....and my own intuition.
It is so much accurate if we listen to our mind/body connection and "listen" and respond accordingly.  

We are traveling back to the previous site and I know that things will be okay and will happen as needed.  It is really scary and very challenging to just trust in a higher power and to listen to my own mind/body connection - but I need to have faith and trust my own intuition again and trust in a Higher Power.

On the way back to the campsite we see a beautiful herd of Elk and it reminds me -  just like nature, we as humans need to learn to listen to our bodies, our minds and to mother nature.

We made it to the campground.  Exhausted from the drive.  The cost was much more than expected and there are limited jobs in the area for Brian.  After much searching we decide to try another area and we move to the new campground.

As soon as we pull into the new campground I know it is not the right place.  My heart feels even more heavy and all I can do is cry.
We go shopping for food and find the city chaotic and crowded but found a great natural foods store. 
At this point Brian and I can both tell this is not the place for us and decide to go back to the other place.

We are getting closer to Mt Shasta and to the Redwoods.  I can feel the frequency changing but my heart is still heavy.  I miss my family and I miss the routines and consistency.  Everything is beautiful, but I want this heaviness to shift.....

Many new adventures to challenge my strength and my spirit these few days.  Riding up a mountain/hill in a 4 wheeler (close to the edge) was inspiring and breath taking.  I was terrified and yet thrilled.  I reached inside myself and using the strength I was given by my father enjoyed every moment.  
Next we went racing the 4 wheeler across the sand - wow. And again, a new experience. My heart was racing but it was so exciting.... this was a great day and I feel like many parts of my person and my spirit opened up today!  Thank you to my uncle Ardie for this experience.

Emptiness - and yet life.  The dessert holds so much.  It looks so empty, just like many people do at times and like I feel at times - but yet deep inside and on the surface if we pay attention, there is so much life going on.  Just looking inside and instead of just seeing what is on the surface and what we allow our eyes to see instead of our spirits and our hearts.
The life is there - it can sometimes be hard to see - what are you looking for.....

I am questioning what I see, what am I looking for and how am I looking at it ~

It is also hard to see another family member slowly slipping away and slipping into illness.  Sadness and heartache and to know they are still inside the body, but other parts are fading....